We found out we were pregnant on a Tuesday. We signed papers to become full time foster parents on a Friday, and we received placement of our first foster child the following Monday.
It all happened so FAST.
That Monday morning I had received a voicemail from my wife Holly with a message that said a 2 year old boy was needing placement and that she wanted to say yes to this opportunity. She was calling to confirm that I was okay with it as well. That, I could wrap my head around. As respite care providers for a few foster families in the past, Holly and I had experience caring for toddlers, and that was our age preference.
#PERFECT
Holly continued in the message, instructing me I would need to call the liaison of our matching organization to work out the details for bringing this child into our home.
When I called our Anna’s House worker she told me she had already talked to Holly and that Holly agreed (before consulting me) to bring this 2 MONTH OLD BABY BOY into our home. Oh, and the plan was for him to be dropped off at our house in just a couple hours.
#CONFUSED
I called Holly in a panic, extremely reluctant to say yes to this plan that obviously was not being clearly communicated or understood.
To say I was overwhelmed and underprepared to care for an infant is an understatement. As a teenager I worked at a YMCA in their Child Watch Department, caring for kids 6 weeks to 6 years. However, my coworkers never let me back into the baby pin after I put a baby into its carseat upside down.
When Holly and I connected on the phone she admitted she was unaware the child in need was basically fresh out of the womb. As the conversation progressed she was really empathetic and listened to me babble on about all my fears. There was no way I was going to sway her basic desire to care for this youngling, though. Her motherly instinct had already kicked in.
The pizza delivery man, I mean DHS worker, arrived just a few short hours after that conversation. It really did feel a bit like a pizza delivery. Apparently DHS has “transporters” that know absolutely nothing about the case or child. They simply drop kids off where they are supposed to go. At least that’s how I understood it from the man’s lack of information and direction.
Luckily we were trained and signed up through an organization outside of DHS, and our worker was at the house to explain what forms we were signing and some things to expect moving forward.
Nine months later our boy River was born in a flash. Holly woke up around midnight on March 1 with significant labor pains. We checked into the hospital around 3:30am, and he was born just a few minutes after 4am.
I remember calling Holly’s mom shortly after we arrived because it was apparent it was go time. I let her know this thing was about to happen and that she should join us as soon as possible.
It felt like we had no time to settle in. As Holly’s legs were in stirrups I petted her hair with one hand while holding our foster son in my other arm. There was a rush of a handful of doctors and nurses in the room, one of which was kind enough to relieve me of holding the little man.
Holly’s mom texted me shortly after that to ask how far dilated Holly was, to which I responded, “The baby is on her chest!”
So apparently we have fast babies, whether by natural birth or by virtue of placement needs.
What hasn’t been fast is this last year of parenthood. When I look back my mind is flooded with memories of so many things – some good and fun, others extremely challenging.
One of the things I love most about parenthood is getting on the floor with the kids. Our foster son likes to crawl all over me and wrestle. River smiles and does his best to impress us by rolling over onto his stomach, at which point we clap and encourage his masterful physical feat.
It’s amazing to me just how far Holly and I have come as parents. On the first night we had our foster son we asked Holly’s mom to come over and help. We (mostly I) had no idea how to make a bottle or give him a bath or when to put him to bed and on and on.
A year later we’ve crafted some decent routines for two babies.
I no longer feel unprepared. Mostly just tired. Soooooo tired.
A full year has passed since we welcomed our foster son into our home. So we have officially been full time parents for 365 days. The house is now a maze of baby gates and toys. We keep trying to find higher and higher platforms to keep our belongings out of reach. But wouldn’t you know it, the boy keeps getting taller and taller and ever curious about the world.
I’m a firm believer that we as people bond through shared experiences. There are times I feel like Holly and I are in a war together, what with all the sickness and tantrums. Along the way, I’ve discovered she has deep convictions about the protection and care of these kids. I’m so happy to partner with her in this endeavor.
Bringing children into our home and into this world has disrupted many of our rhythms. But in the midst of all the new demands, the way raising children forces our evolution keeps this life and pursuit fresh and exciting.
Bring it on year two!
Experience the Dilemma 